A Fantasy

Sometimes, I just want a break. An hour or two to catch my breath. To be ME without someone needing me, asking for me, wanting something, etc. I fantasize about sitting in a quiet coffee shop with a giant pumpkin spice latte and a good book (not a doula, labor, or nursing book. Just a book I am reading for pure pleasure). When I start to think about making this fantasy a reality, I start to feel guilty. WHY do I need to do this? Isn't my job, my passion being with my family? What am I doing wrong that I need a break?

But really, I shouldn't feel guilty about wanting this time, needing this time. Everyone needs to rest and recharge. I need time for me so that I am at my best for my family. When I am grouchy and crabby, everyone else is grouching and crabby. So basically, it is in everyone's best interest to give me an hour to two to myself. Right?!? See, I am just trying to justify this so I don't feel guilty. What is wrong with me?

It is amusing how different one becomes when becoming a parent. Before kids, EVERYTHING was ME, ME, ME (maybe a little boyfriend time as well) and I never felt guilty about this. Once you have a little person dependent on you, you shift your focus and attention from yourself to your mini-you. You sacrifice, no that's not the right word, you put yourself and your needs on the back burner...

Now the boys are awake and needing me. See you later, blog

4:30 am wake up calls

Monster has been waking up to eat around 4:30 am the last few days, weeks, months. Who knows, it's all a blur. The majority of the time I am unable to fall back to sleep. I start thinking about what needs to be done, what I could be doing with this time so I eventually crawl out of bed and get my coffee. Despite being exhausted by 7:00pm, I LOVE getting up this early once I get going. The house is quiet and I get a few hours to MYSELF! No husband, no babies. Just me, my coffee, and maybe some chores.

My toast is done now, so goodbye blog, it's time for me to catch up with Teen Mom (yes, I already know I am awesome).