Reacting VS. Responding

I don't have much time. Monster is sleeping and if I every want him to go to sleep tonight, he needs to wake up.
Things have been rough at our house for the last week. Le sigh. Everyday has been a struggle with D. It is constant defiance, rudeness, tantrums, low frustration tolerance. It seems like he is either on the verge of a tantrum or in a tantrum. It has been draining. Normally, I am pretty good at not responding from anger when a child is escalated. It doesn't do any good to react in anger. It isn't therapuetic for the child and the adult always feels like shit later. Today it was hard for me to do this. While working with a very angry D, I had to tell him multiple times that I needed to take a break so I wouldn't respond in a negative way. I think as adults, we want control and when we are losing control of our children, we lose our cool. When a child is escalated, you need to let go of that need of control. realize it isn't personal, step back, and let the child come out of it. Oh goodness, is that hard. ESPECIALLY, when the child has been in a constant state of escalation. A child cannot think rationally when upset/escalated and you cannot force them to do what you want. Trying to force it with anger isn't going to fix the issue. You just have to ride it out.
I try really hard not to react to a child who is escalated or making poor choices. I try to respond. Reacting is not thinking, just doing. If you react, then anger or your own poor choices might come out. I try hard (and damn, is it hard sometimes) to take a second or two and think about how my response will be therapuetic and helpful in the situation. There is no shame in  telling a child that you are upset and you need a few minutes to think about how to respond. Remember you are a model to your child. How proud would you be of your child if they told you they were frustrated and needed a minute to think about how to respond? I am pretty sure I would dance a 45 minute jig if my kids did that.
Also, take responsibility if you do react. We are human, we make mistakes but you need to own up to it and apologize. I reacted today in anger and when I was calm, I apologized to D. He deserves that respect. I want him to learn that everyone makes mistakes, it is ok to make mistakes, and the right thing to do is take responsibility for the mistake. Why should we expect our children to apologize when their behavior is less than stellar and not show our children the same respect?
If Monster sleeps any later, he will go on strike at bedtime tonight. Thanks for letting me share. I feel better and ready to get on with the day. I am ready to battle the next tantrum! Bring it on small children!