May Flowers

I was talking with one of my very best friends in the world last night. I treasure our phone conversations as it never seems we can ever connect and talk. Most of the time we leave ridiculously long phone messages filling each other in on the happenings of our lives. Sarah really enjoys hearing the successes and challenges that my family faces as a foster family to hard to place youth and she asked if I would blog more on it. So here I am. Dinner is in the oven, the kids are playing happily with each other (wait, was that screaming?), and I am considering a beer. Life in our castle is going well. D does well at school most days. He has not been suspended since moving in with us and there has been a sharp decline in the amount and duration of tantrums at school. What blows me away is that he is ALWAYS honest with me about his day at school. He takes responsibility for his "meltdowns" or "fits". He is always able to rationally explain to me WHY he had the tantrum but in the moment at school, he can never verbally convey his needs to his aide. Take for example this "meltdown". D didn't want to go out to recess, which is strange because this kid has an insane amount of energy. When I asked him why, he explained to me he didn't have a coat and that it was cold. He was not allowed to stay inside so BAM! There he blows! Once calm, he and the aide were able to discuss the issue, problem solve, and move on. He just struggles, and only sometimes now, with that initial disappointment/frustration when things don't work the way they want it too. Another fine example, is when he gets frustrated with a problem in class. He gets angry because it makes him feel like a "failure" (his words, not mine). He thinks that everything should come easily for him and if it doesn't than something is wrong with him. When this happens, he will either A.) Blow or B.) turtle (this is when he shuts down and refuses to talk). Needless to say, we have been working hard at getting D to recognize the feelings he has before he either blows or turtles so he can let someone know what is going on internally. I don't think he even has time to realize he is feeling frustrated before he blows. Kid has a short to non-existent fuse. Let is see...what else is new. I started drinking apple cider vinegar mixed with water. I was reading up on the health benefits of it, like increased energy so I thought I would give it a try. I put 3 teaspoons in 8 oz of water and drink it once a day. Oh boy, I have seen a difference! I used to lag in the afternoon, get grouchy and desperate for a nap. Not anymore. I have energy to take on the world (though most likely the afternoon with three active young boys). Husband and I are working on figuring out what we want Bean's "schooling" to look like. We are still not in full agreement. I love unschooling and see the benefits of it. Husband wants more structure and traditional learning. We reached a slight agreement on kindergarten. We signed Bean up for abcmouse.com which is a virtual kindergarten. Bean likes it for the most part but doesn't want to sit down and do it 5 days a week. He works on it maybe 2-3 times a week. Sometimes less (shhh, don't tell husband). I would rather Bean go outside and climb a tree or work on one of his amazing craft projects. He made his own stuffed animal this week! He made and cut out the template himself. I cut out of the fabric, he helped me sew it together and he stuffed it and sewed the button eyes and news and used embroidery floss for a mouth. It is intensely good. The one I made for Monster turned out creepy and wonky. Bean's is WAAAAAAY better than mine. Ok, confession: This is like my 5th day trying to get this entry done. It seems that I can only write in five minute intervals before something else needs my attention. My fingers and toys are crossed a bazillion times that I can finally finish this morning. I am starting to fear I may have to change the title of this post (as I type, the washing machine just beeped as well as my timer to put the bread dough in the bread pan to rise. Be right back). Last night, we packed the boys up in the car and drove into Portland to have dinner with the majority of the Gilmore Girls and their families (ok, now Monster is needing my attention. Hold that thought). The only Gilmore Girl missing was Ms. Rebecca. Alas, she is still living in California. We are all hoping she and her husband, and the jalapeno baby girl she is cookin' up will make the great move North soon. I absolutely love seeing my Gilmore Girls and their families but whenever we have a foster child with us I always have a little anxiety about our visits. Husband and I have made the choice to invite kids with severe emotional/behaviorally needs into our home but by doing that, we are asking our family and friends to open their hearts as well as their homes to these kids too. Because of our choice, our friends and families are taking a risk. These kids have trouble making good choices sometimes and sometimes they might make those poor choices at my friend's house. That poor choice will be witnessed by my friend and potentially their children. See my dilemma? I know my children will not be sheltered away from seeing those poor choices but I don't want to be the reason my friend's children witness certain behaviors. You know what I mean? Last night was amazing though, as it normally is. D fits right in with our family and apparently with our friends and their children. Everyone was blown away to hear that just a few months prior it appeared like D was not able to live with a family and needed residential care (I like to brag about this. I feel pretty damn good about myself and my family that we were able to provide the stability and structure this kid needed). What amazes me is that just a few month ago, when D first moved in, the mourning period I went through. I was mourning the loss of the family dynamic we had as a family of four, I had to adjust to being a family of five. Now that we have adjusted, it is sad to think that eventually D will be leaving and the whole process will start again: readjust to being a family of four, get a new placement, mourn the change, get to know the new kid, get comfortable, they move on, rinse, repeat. It is a bittersweet process. It is nice to being able to touch so many lives. Lives that really need your support and love but is hard letting them go. As a foster parent, I only get to be a mom to these kids for a short amount of time before it is time for them to move on to the next phase of their life journey (God, that sounds corny). I think this is a good place for me to sign off. The sun is shining. My second cup of coffee is halfway done, and the grass really want to be mowed. Speaking of yards. Can I just tell you one more thing really fast? I have so many f-ing bugs DESTROYING my plants at the new house. I had transplanted two fancy french squash transplants and when I went to check on them this morning the damn bugs had eaten ALL the leaves off. Damn, I'm pissed. I have never dealt with such aggressive bugs. It makes me want to dump chemicals on all of them and give them a painful death but that kinda goes against everything I believe in. You know, treat the earth and all its creatures with respect. Also, I don't want my family eating those chemicals. Vicious circle...