Mother's Day

Mother's day is on Sunday. It is that one day a year where you are supposed to thank our moms for all their hard work, dedication, and love. Really though, shouldn't we be telling our mom's thank you all the time. Have we gotten so thankless that we need to have one day a year set aside so that all the stores, greeting card companies, etc have to remind us to take a few moments to say thank you so our moms? I am not perfect. I don't tell my mom how much I appreciate all she has done, is doing, and will do for me in the future. Do I really need to spend three dollars on a card that will eventually thrown in the trash (please recycle!)to tell my mom I love her? I don't think so. I am guilty of sending a free e-card the night before. Le sigh. Anyway, I am getting off the reason I got on here. I did want to talk about Mother's Day but what Mother's Day means to a child in foster care and what it means to me as a surrogate mother. D is the first child I have had the privilege of caring for who has had both a mom and dad he talks to and sees regularly. Which is a strange experience but is helping me grow as a foster parent. As Mother's day started to approach I began to struggle with what to do. Should I help D do something for his mother? Should we not really acknowledged the day as it might make D upset as he isn't with his mom? As we got closer to the Big Day I felt that it was my duty to help D celebrate his mom in the ways she is able to be in his life. Every family is different. There is no right or wrong way to have a family. D's mom loves him (even if it is in a dysfunctional way) and D loves her. So for Mother's day we got his mom and nice frame and we got an amazing picture of D jumping over a creek. The picture is taken as he was in the air, a giant smile on his face, with the ocean in the background. I think she will love it. I know that the trip we took to the beach was important to D as he had never been to the ocean before. I have no idea how D will do on actual mother's day. He sees his mom today and will give her his gift then. How will he do on the day where my boys and husband celebrate me being their mom/wife? Will he be sad and missing his mom? Will he be excited to do fun activities? Will he be angry? You never really know with D. I am feeling optimistic (maybe its the coffee surging through my body). I think D does view me as a mom. He has written about me in school assignments as mom so I think he might want to celebrate all the things I do in his life. He had a homework assignment the other day where he had to write and color about something nice that someone has done or does for them. He wrote "My mom helps me when I am frustrated". I thought he was writing about bio mom. He quickly corrected me and told me he was referring to me. When D moved in with us, we asked that he not call us mom and dad as he has a mom and dad and those names are special to them. I did not want his parents to think we were trying to take their place in his life. I am wondering if D is starting to see me and my family more as his family and less as a temporary resting place. He has started referring as Bean and Monster as his "brothers". Interesting stuff. So does the meaning of mother's day change when you are a foster mom? I think it does. I think becoming a foster mom made me appreciate and view my role as mom as even more important. I have taken on the responsibility of not only caring and raising my own children to be responsible, loving people but to also to teach these things to children who have not been able to stay in their own bio families and have significant behavior problems. The kids who have chosen to invite in our home are the kids who need a supportive, loving, caring, structured, and firm mom the most. Ok, I could go on but Monster is now sitting on my lap shoving an empty cup into my face in attempt to have me make weird sounds with it. D and Bean are getting a little too creative with markers and their bodies so I think it is time to sign off. I apologize dear reader, if this entry seems choppy and with little flow. When blogging with three young children, I get called away from my thoughts and writing about every three minutes. It makes for a strange writing experience but at least I got this done in one day. Progress!