Family: Under Construction

   I knew that when I was pregnant with number 2, that it would be my last pregnancy, my last biological child. I was not done having children.  It is no secret that I love kids. If it were up to me I would surround myself with an army of little people. Growing up, I told people I wanted six kids. Three biological and three adopted. I have a friend from kindergarten who remembers me telling her this when we were five.
   Husband is a different story. He would have be content with just one. Thank God, I won rock, paper, scissors so that we could have number 2 (yes, we played rock, paper, scissors to decide to have number 2). He nearly laughed out loud when I told him my dream of six kids. Husband is an only child and has very strong feelings about over population (please do not bring up the Duggar family).
   A year ago or so, I brought up adoption. We had always planned on adopting. Our dream family dynamic was two boys and a girl. I was ready to add a girl to our clan of boys. Husband told me at the time he was content with our family dynamic. He loved our biological boys and enjoys doing foster care. I accepted his answer, even though I was disappointed, and focused my attention on the children I had and tried to ignore my feelings of wanting another, a little pink in my sea of blue.
   The last month the feeling that our family was unfinished, that someone was missing became stronger. This morning my close friend sent me a picture of her positive pregnancy test and it hit me like a punch in the stomach. I am not done. My family is not complete. I closed my eyes and tried to keep the tears in.
   What do you do when one partner is done having children and the other isn't? I can do all the research I want on adoption, make a winning case for going for it, but that won't necessarily change husband's mind. This is not a situation where you can work out a compromise so both parties are happy. There will be a clear winner and a clear loser.
   I am not a good loser. But I am going to lose. I need to accept that. I cannot force husband to feel the same way I do, and want the same things I do (damn it!). A relationship is a bunch of give and take, compromise, and sometimes surrendering. It is respecting your partner and their ideas/choices/feelings/etc even if they don't mesh with yours.
   Does it hurt? Oh god, does it ever. I think it will be a long process for me to "get over" it. I had children really young and a lot of my friends are just starting to have kids which means I will be getting more punch in the stomach feelings every time a friend tells me they are having a baby. The punch will eventually turn into a slap, then a pinch, and then a slight poke like I am the pillsbury dough boy before eventually going away. Right ?